Posted in: Share a Problem with Auntie Agatha

Men and matters of the heart

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626

Dear Readers,

There is no stretching the fact that every age has its norms and fad it has evolved to etch itself into the history of life. It is also true that certain rituals of a bygone age hold so much lure and nostalgia that are worth keeping.

More than any other human tradition, the game of winning the heart of a woman remains the oldest. Right from the nascent days of the creation of the world, when God paired the first human couple, men and women have continued to dance to the assonance of love.

No matter how hard a man or woman is perceived to be, there is always a place for love to exist in the heart and life of that person. This is because the process of meeting and falling in love is the peg on which the world stands.

Everyday, people fall in and out of love. Some never last beyond the first early days because they suffer wrong values as well as the endurance needed to firm up the foundation.  Those that last, do as a result of tremendous sacrifices by the couples.

Today being Valentine’s Day, we will quickly go into clinic to discuss the essence of giving a relationship the right perspective.

Sometime ago, while clearing out the house of all the odds and bits I have amassed all through the years, some from my teenage and early adulthood, I came across valuable letters sent me by various admirers. Each letter reminded me of the person who sent it because the wordings brought the character of each man to play.

While some struggled to write the letters, some displayed dexterity in combining all the right words that would make a woman melt.

Going through all the letters, gave me a good laugh so much so I decided to share them with my daughters and my young female friends both married and unmarried.

One of my daughters, an English literature student after going through some of the poetic phrases in the letters, decided to take them away as part of her working materials. Granted few were prosaic, the majority of the letters produced deep sentiments and nostalgia of the fun it was in those days to be a girl.

Nothing told or gave insight into the character of a man like phraseology of his letters to a woman. From his language, a woman with depth could tell when a man has other things on his mind and when he was serious about her.

Because pre-marital sex wasn’t so common then, men took time out to amuse and entertain the women after their hearts with words that meant the world to them back then.

Men of those days were not weak, afraid of saying what they felt to that special woman. Dating was a much more serious business than we have now. Seldom does a man in those days on first outing pronounce love to a woman, it was a kind of sacrilege. Men took time out to study the nature of the woman they want to approach before coming clean with their feelings.

Any wonder that divorce rates were low and moral values high in those days?

How many boys or men bother with what modern men label “time wasting” procedure anymore?

These days the physiology of the average man is wired towards quick and preprogrammed results without him having to task his brains or exert his imagination.

The result is a monotonous and very predictable mode of wooing women these days. In places of romantic letters or cards, text message have become the order of the day.  What more, the text messages lack every imagination of romance, intellect and articulation needed to stimulate a woman’s romantic vigor.

The result is a generation of men and women who lack knowledge of what pure romance is. The coldness of the internet, emails, text messages and other modern day electronic devices have turned the heart of romance so cold and impersonal that most young ladies often wonder if true romance as evidenced in romance books really exist.

The hollow left in the hearts of women by the inability of the present generation of men to apply themselves fully into the business of chasing women contribute to the mess and confusing signals that now characterize the game of romance. This inability of men to properly articulate their feelings or convey same to women has become such a big challenge to the whole system of dating. As a result, many young girls and ladies have escaped with the notion that men are only interested in sex more than who they are or what they feel.

The clinical way present day men  conduct their romance has made today’s women more materialist and so aloof too when it comes to what they want from men. The motto for most young ladies now is, survival. The more prosperous a man is, the higher his chances are of getting any woman he wants. In place of love, lust has taken over. These days, when a man declares love, the woman reads it to mean lust because love and lust in the diction of most men have become synonymous so much so the women don’t know which is which.

Although men are quick to blame the confusion and monumental disappointment relationships have become on the materialist thirst of women, the truth remains that men are daily presenting women with nothing to build on at all.

While the success of a relationship depends on the selflessness of the woman, she has to be provided with the right foundation, sustain her romantic dream.

This is because every woman is vain, wants to be appreciated and complimented for who she is. The average woman builds her memory on the early days of her relationship; when the man treated her like his queen as well as the only thing that is important to him.

Once the man is able to get those early days right, he makes it easy for the woman to trust in and build her confidence around him. These are the memories she keeps and drags out of the cupboard when the dreams begin to fade. This is why the marriages of yester years survived the rough edges. The women then had something substantial to hold on to; their love letters; which from time to time reminded them of all the dreams and visions they started out with.

The wordings of the letters constantly served as reminders of her place in the heart of her man even if the stress and challenges of living together, raising a family and earning a living prevent him from saying it.

To make romance and relationship better, today’s men must move away from paying lip service to the dating game. They must as a matter of fact borrow some valuable tips from the men of yester years. the vanity and romantic heart of the average woman is such that she stores up in the inner chambers of her mind any gesture of affection shown her by her heart.

Daily, the woman is looking for that something extra special from her man, that thing that communicates his need for her and appreciation of her presence in his life. No matter how tough minded a woman appears to be, she never gets tired of receiving compliments from her husband.

To make this Valentine’s Day more meaningful, men should not focus on just the sexual aspect of a relationship rather, they should use today to compliment that special woman in their lives. It is essential they take time out to send a love letter to their wives and girlfriends. The method of writing love letter may appear ancient but the words that come from the heart of the man can heal any wound inflicted by carelessness that comes from daily living.

No matter how old in marriage a couple is, love remains ageless and must be given the same consideration and attention as that of a young couple.

So celebrate Valentine‘s Day with words that come from the heart.

Good luck

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