Posted in: Share a Problem with Auntie Agatha

I don’t think I love her enough to marry her

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha, 

I would be lying if I say I am deeply in love with the lady in my life but I like her person. If we end up as man and wife, she will make a good wife.

She actually wooed me and has been very supportive ever since she came into my life. I am seven months older than she is but she economically stronger than I am. At 38, she has her own house and two cars. She is also fun to be with, never criticizing me and very respectful despite her success in life

We have been dating for close to a year now.  Sincerely, I haven’t found any reason not to marry her as my parents are all urging me to propose to her.

I know she wants us to get married but given her age and wealth, I am very worried. Her age worries me because my former girlfriend went into menopause at 35. She didn’t even know and we actually thought she was pregnant until several medical tests finally pronounced that she has reached menopause. 

It was very devastating for both of us because I really loved her. Unfortunately, my mother got wind of the information so I couldn’t conceal it from anybody.

I had to leave her. It was about that time I met my current woman. 

This is why I am scared of her age. I don’t want a situation where she would be unable to provide me with children or begin to boss me when we get married. At 38, how much of her reproductive years remain? I ask because since we have been dating she hasn’t taken in once; isn’t this a sign that she may not be biologically healthy? 

This is because you can never know with women. She could be pretending to be good for the simple reason of getting me to marry her.

I am really becoming confused by the day. What do I do?

Debo.

 

 

Dear Debo,

Every relationship has its dynamism. Just as we are different, so are our attitudes to the people we meet along life’s journey different.

There can never be two people who are alike. However, we end up having the same kinds of experiences and disappointments as a result of our refusal to learn or take notice of our limitations as a person.

Often than not, we are drawn to the same kinds of situations over and over again. This is where our challenges in life get their strength from.

Another area we get it wrong in life is our inability to exorcise past experiences from our new relationships. The fact that one woman went into early menopause doesn’t mean your current woman too would have the same experience.

At 38, she isn’t so young. at her age, she is liable for her actions. There is no way she can explain an unwanted pregnancy to the world in her present stage in life. She has to be sure you want the same things that she wants. The fact that she is economically stronger could be one reason she is cautious in her dealings with you. She may not want you to marry her as a result of the baby but because you want to. Besides she could be on contraceptives.

Rather than come to the hasty conclusions that she may not be able to conceive, why not sit her down to discuss with her? Demand for questions about her past life as well as the number of times she has taken in as well as the last time she took in. To make her understand your anxiety better, explain the experience you had with your ex to her. don’t pretend that you aren’t looking for children in this relationship with her or that it won’t matter to you if she doesn’t take in while you two are still dating. Let her know exactly where she stands with you on the issue of having children. Also explain your worry about her age; this way, you make obvious what your expectations as well as priority are to her in this relationship.

The case of your ex is very rare. Normally, a woman begins the decline step into menopause from 48 upwards. Some women last till their early 50s. but because a lot of strange things are happening in our modern world, it would be difficult to say but if you are that scared, why not accompany her to see a doctor to put your mind at rest? There are some tests that will pronounce the viability or otherwise of her womb.

In addition, you must learn to let go to get the best out of life. Even though you haven’t said much, trying to compare her with your ex will only lead to more confusions as well as complications.

She isn’t the same person as your ex so their reactions and attitude will never be same.

To be frank with you, every woman, no matter how nice, has the tendency to misbehave especially at that time of the month when the hormones take charge of her emotions fleecing her of her ability to reason rationally. Even when you are the one picking all the bills, the inherent nature of women will still make her behave in a way to make you, question your abilities as the man. So you have the take the whole picture of who she is to appreciate when she steps out of line.

Yes, once in a while she could say or behave in such a way to make you feel inferior but you must appreciate all those times she behaved rationally.

Therefore, the question of whether or not she would display poisonous fangs after marriage is a tricky question for me to answer. You are the one who is in a relationship with her hence should be in the best position to answer such question. But it isn’t rocket science; as a matter of fact, it is very simple if you apply yourself to the observation of her character, temperament, understanding of issues as well as her general disposition to you and life.

Often than not, a woman who is pretentious cannot do it for long. Like smoke, something will provoke her to act her true nature. You can deliberately do certain things to see her she would respond to you under pressure or security of your final commitment.

If the truth be told, you are raking up all these excuses because she wooed you. From the little I have seen of life, women who woo men for love and relationship are about the most sincere. They know even before the commencement of the relationship what they want from a man hence work towards achieving that. if she was confused her destination and desires in life, she won’t come after you; she would rather go for a man who has the income and position to further help her economics in life. Besides she doesn’t have to marry to have children; a rich woman like a rich man can get any man to do her bidding if the price is right.

The fact that she humbled herself to woo you should give you certain assurances that she is a very practical person.

Rather than look at all the areas of her weaknesses, consider her strength and goodness to you.

Nothing in life is easy; one has to work towards perfection at all times.

We all come with defects from the manufacturer’s table. Honestly, if there is anybody who should be afraid in this relationship, she should be and not you because she is the one who has more to lose than you.

She is the major investor, taking all the risks because as a man, you could meet and fall in love with another woman in later years leaving her high and dry.

If she isn’t afraid, why are you? Unless deep down, you are positive nothing good can come out of it. Perhaps you need time off to properly evaluate your emotions first.

Whatever, learn to be sincere with yourself at this critical stage. It is important.

Good luck.

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