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My friend made me betray him

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,

What can I do to win back the love I lost through my carelessness? Two years ago, my boyfriend was so much in love with me; so much so I could do no wrong in his opinion. 

Even when his mother made it very obvious she didn’t want me for a daughter-in-law, my boyfriend told her she was welcomed to her opinion just as he reserved the right to his choice of a wife.

He was so much in love with me I thought I he could always turn a blind eye to my faults. There was no doubting his trust for me and mine for him. Many of our friends envied the kind of understanding we both displayed to each other.

This foolishness made me to accept the suggestions of my friend that I put our love to test by pretending to be dating another man. According to her, it would be the final proof of his love for me. She said a woman cannot be so categorical about the feelings of her man towards her unless she subjected him to some forms of tests.

The game plan was to be calling my mysterious boyfriend right in his presence; and sending love messages to him. We agreed that we would use another number of hers, not registered on my phone.

Unknown to me it was a ploy by my so called friend to destroy the relationship between my boyfriend and I. 

Because the number isn’t on my phone, any message I sent her, she would forward to my boyfriend and give the phone to her brother to answer it whenever my boyfriend called the number to ask who was sending the messages. Through this brother of hers, she was able to really convince my boyfriend that I was actually having an affair unknown to me. But, whenever I called the number, she would pick it up personally. I didn’t suspect what was going on until it became a real issue between my boyfriend and I.

By the time I told him it was all a joke to see how much he cared about it me, the harm had been done. He was already convinced beyond reasons that I was indeed dating another man. To make the matter more complex was the denial of my friend of this arrangement between us.

Being my close friend, he believed her. For almost 18 months, he refused to have anything to do with me despite the interventions of his friends and even his mother.

At a time, he changed his number, left town and I couldn’t get through to him again. When his friends gave me the new number, he changed his number again. 

I was almost giving up hope of anything between us when he suddenly came back in October last year to see me. 

I later got to know from him that my friend tried to force him into a relationship with her and that the condition he gave her for anything between them was to tell him the truth concerning what really transpired between the two of us.

In her desperation to have him, she admitted to our arrangement and told him how she always handed the phone to her brother to talk to him whenever he called the number to find out who it was sending love messages to me.

Despite finding out the truth, he is still very angry with me for agreeing to such a suggestion. His anger is fuelled by his believe that I don’t trust him enough despite everything he has done to be opened to me. 

Although he has technically come back to me but he is withdrawn; not the man that left me several months ago. His mother who strangely has become my ally says I should let him be for now-that he would get over the feelings of anger eventually.

He has also banned me from keeping friends. My pleas that not all my friends are like my former best friend have fallen on deaf ears. I love him with all my heart but I don’t know how to handle this new him or find the warmth in his heart for me.

Do help me. I love him so dearly and already seven weeks pregnant for him. I just want to win him back again. We are getting married by the first week of February

 

Confused Lady.

 

 

 

Dear Confused Lady,

One way to ensure you win him back is to invest unconditional love into him and your relationship. His mother is right, ignore whatever attitude he is putting up now; he hasn’t said he isn’t in love with you or that he is no longer interested in spending the rest of his life with you. besides you two are getting married. for a man that is cold towards you, agreeing to marry you is evidence of his love. He is only hurt that despite his transparency, you still doubted his love for you sufficiently as to put your relationship under the kind of threat you did.

In his shoes, you will also feel the kinds of emotions he is feeling. To whom much is given, much is expected. You should never have listened to your friend or anybody for that matter. Being his woman, you should have stood in total support and trust for your husband. What if he didn’t trick your friend to tell him the truth? He could have lost the only woman he obviously cared so much for. So you see, it isn’t just about you but also him, his life and dream.

No man wants to spend the rest of his life with a woman he doesn’t have natural connection with. Having met and loved you, it would have been impossible for him to settle for less. Besides the anguish of thinking he was wrong about you when he thought you were two-timing him, there is also  the emotional trauma you put him through by your foolish agreement with your friend.

Such feelings don’t disappear in a day. It will take him sometime before he can relax in very well in your presence. Besides, he needs to be assured that you won’t go betting with his heart and future again with another friend of yours. It couldn’t have been a tea party for him to wake up one day to discover that the woman he has invested so much into may not be the right woman. Finding out that you didn’t even consider how he felt or how your decision will affect him and his feelings for you must have cut a very deep wound in him.

One way to make up is to do exactly as he has requested; keep your friends at bay. Don’t bring them too close besides, having friends now should be the last thing on your mind if you really want this man fully back into your life. As a matter of fact, he shouldn’t be the one requesting you to do away with friends; after what you went through in the hands of a close friend, you should not wait for him to tell you how to relate with your current set of friends. If your so called best friend can betray you in this manner, it is only reasonable for him to wonder and be apprehensive about your other friends.

The first step towards thawing him is to let go of these friends; it will give him some confidence in your ability to reason rationally as well as his place in your heart. The kernel of the issue at hand is his place in your heart and life.

Just as he has made you his pride, he desires you make him your essence too. Expecting his baby gives you all the reason in the world to bring him close. Drag him into your excitement by including him in every plan you make for the baby. Let him be the one complaining about not having the time to accompany you to the hospital, shops and whatever you want to do. Place him high up in your preference scale. Seek his opinion about the kinds of things you want to buy for the baby. Get him to read books, watch films that have to do with babies together. Envelop him in the excitement of having this baby.

The ploy is to take his mind off the issue that happened in the past, to introduce him to many exciting things ahead and to engage his mind on his new responsibility to you and his child.  The enthusiasm of having a baby as well as getting married to you at last will go a long way in helping to quell his acrimony towards you.

Importantly, always learn to be obedient to your husband by placing his happiness and love about everything else. What he needs is a simple assurance of your love, trust and belief in his person. You are lucky he came back because not many men would come back after 18 months or after the incident. Some would think, you agreed to that suggestion from your friend because you have it in you to play around.

Good luck.

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