Posted in: Share a Problem with Auntie Agatha

My father rapes me almost every night

With Auntie Agatha gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha, 

I am 18 years of age. Right from as far as I can remember, my father has been abusing me sexually. It has become such a habit that he doesn’t want me out of his sight. 

He does it in such a way my mother appears not to  suspect anything or is simply pretending not to. I really don’t know what is happening to her.  I have gotten used to it. Twice he procured abortions for me. The last one got my mother very suspicious but my father managed the situation by ordering my mother to leave me alone.

What worries me is that my father is a leader in the church. Now he is also sleeping with my 12 year old sister. We are both powerless to do anything about our situation since our mother’s attitude sometimes calls to question her emotional state of mind.

This minute you are so certain you can get her to listen to you, take interest in her children’s welfare; the next minute she is doing something very different. I don’t know how to make you understand what I am trying to say but I suspect she is not in complete control of her emotions.

For instance when I tried telling her about what my father was doing to me after he made me go through my second abortion, she pushed me out of her room; calling me the child of devil. Till date, she hasn’t bothered to ask or investigate the matter. She appears oblivious of the incident.

Now the issue is how do I stop my father from doing what he is doing to my sister and I? He has refused me to accept offers of admission I got to the university and polytechnics outside Lagos. His excuse? I am too young to be on my own but I know it is because he wants me around for his selfish reasons.

How do I get out of this prison my father has put me? Most times I feel like killing him; actually tried to poison his food once with battery water I got from a mechanic but I changed my mind when I thought of the consequences on me.

If I don’t leave the house I fear, I won’t mind going to hell by killing him.

Adunola

 

Dear Adunola,

The most important thing now is for you to get out of the house with your sister. Since your mother cannot provide you with the protection from your father, go outside your mother for help.

First let your father know that you are no longer ready to put up with his depravation; that you are ready to tell whosoever cares to listen, the kind of father he has been to you and your sister.  He has continued to abuse you sexually because you have kept quiet all these years. It is time you put a stop to it once and for all.

The next time he comes into your room to have sex with you, scream loud enough to attract the attention of the neighbours. Communicate loudly the object of your scream so people know exactly what is happening. Don’t be afraid of him anymore. Your fear and silence are the reason his has continued to rape you and now your sister. If you don’t do something to stop him, this man will destroy you and your sisters for life.

Because, he is most likely to react violently, arm yourself with something to protect you incase he gets violent.

Usually rapists, especially in the mold your father is, will not want his reputation soiled so he is likely to use his palm to gag your mouth. Bite him hard on the palms as evidence of his intentions.

He is refusing to let you go because he wants unrestricted access to your body. He knows that once you leave, he won’t be able to control your emotions anymore. The moment he defiled you, he forfeited every respect he deserves as your father so treat him like you would any man who rapes you.

Follow this up by seeking protection for you and your sister from his female relatives. The truth is, if you leave, he will continue to violate your sister and at her age, she may not be able to protect herself from him. So it isn’t just about leaving the house but also providing security for that young girl too.

By the time you make it public, your mother’s play at amnesia will disappear because whatever it is she is trying to prevent will no longer be necessary. The situation will force her to look at ways to protect her daughters from her husband.

Being a leader in the church, he will want the matter resolved as quickly as possible to prevent the attendant scandal that follows. Insist he sends your female siblings, to boarding schools while you go off to school. During holidays, look for places to go to and if you must stay at home, you all should stay in the same room.

Don’t kill him; it is a temptation you must fight against to prove to yourself and the world that you are a better person. The moment you take the laws into your hand, you become as guilty as he is. Besides, it will further destroy your family. As it is, your family may never recover from this incident; there  is no way you and your sister will ever have a normal father-daughter relationship with him again.

Just as it will be difficult for you to allow your children come near him. The harm on your family is already too deep for you to complicate further.

Sincerely, your mother needs a second chance to be happy again.  From your narration, your father has unwittingly destroyed her and belief in the marriage.

Don’t forget that she is also be affected by everything that is happening around her. Even if your father used charms on her, the effect will vanish one day; she will always be negatively affected by the knowledge of what her husband did to her daughters.

No matter how much she tries, her marriage to your father will never be the same on account of this incident.

This is why you must be strong for yourself and everybody in the family. Doubtless, it can’t have been a tea party for you to endure the presence of your father in that forbidden manner but in a way, the survival of what is left of your family depends on your ability to forge ahead.

While you need time to forgive, wisdom and determination are what you need now to get out of this situation.

God is who you should turn to now; you need Him now more than ever before. It is important you turn to God to avert the greater tragedy of you turning your hatred to other men.

Good luck.

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